Definition: ‘the magical power or process of transmuting a common substance, usually of little value, into a substance of great value.’ or more commonly described as the process of turning lead into gold.
In session with one of my clients this afternoon, we sat together in a space of peace and connection. Let me be real here and say that this isn’t always the case and as anyone who has decided to live a fully expressed life would know, there’s often a lot of ‘cleaning’ to be done to reach that space. This beautiful man showed up like he had never done before. He began, as usual by sharing how he was feeling and what had been happening for him since we last were together.
Something was different about him this time. The way he walked in, the shininess in his eyes and the clarity of his skin was luminescent. He literally looked like he could barely stay inside the confines of his body. Though he had had many shifts in his awareness and lightness about him before, today was deeper and spellbinding to observe.
He went on to express how much had dropped into place for him since last week. I have been supporting my clients through a 30-day cleanse with naturopath, Camila Hynes from Nurturing Health and he had been out to the fabulous Cooks Co-op at Sackville and shared a delicious lunch around the table with all my other clients. He shared that he had gained so much from hearing other people sharing and an enormous layer of self-judgment had melted away for him. A part of him which he had been holding onto for dear life around fearful comparison and judgment had finally come to rest.
You could say that it was a combination of eating clean food and exercising, but in his case, he always did eat pretty clean anyway. And he already had a regular and committed exercise routine before we started working together. But this was more than the usual level of aliveness and freedom I had witnessed in him before.
He continued to say that he had been following through on some of the work we had been doing, taking action on things we had uncovered in his sessions and amongst them had some necessary courageous conversations. He, like a lot of people had lived the majority of his life withholding and compromising the very essence of who he is from the world. But not any longer. He had finally realised that he could no longer keep putting himself and his truth second. Not to his family, not to his staff, not to partners or his friends. Prior to this, he was as wrapped up and in fear as anyone I have known and had been hiding his authenticity and truth all his adult life. This man is in his mid-late forties and had hidden his sexuality, had played small and insignificant, had exhausted himself through overcommitting, people pleasing and rescuing until finally the dam began to crack and instead of trying to control it,(though he tried very hard to!) he went through it. And this was the result. Peaceful, expansive, loving.
Would he be where he is, alive and vibrant as I witnessed him today had he backed out when the going got tough, or when he was afraid or confused ( which he was crippled by so many times throughout our process together) about the next steps? No, instead he committed to himself in our sessions without guarantees and for him, backing out and giving up was not an option.
I was able to show him ( or rather he showed himself!) where all the previous challenges, pain, struggle and heartache had led him to this very breakthrough and to how he was feeling right now. Not in an evangelical, WOW Ive been healed! kind of way, but in a still, powerful, embodied way where he acknowledged himself and also where he still has work to do and limitation to move through. Truly beautiful.
This is the kind of magic that I believe I witnessed the power of today.
I’m humbled and blessed to say that I bear witness to this process of alchemy on a daily basis with my clients. But today in particular I am moved to share this with you in case you have temporarily lost sight of the possibility and magic within yourself. May the metaphor of alchemy, of turning lead into gold be a reminder that no matter how stuck, damaged, fearful, small, frustrated, angry, resistant you have believed yourself to be, it can be moved through. And, most of all, it doesn’t have to take forever. xxx
#liveafullyexpressedlife #luminous #coretruths Picture Credit:
(https://www.flickr.com/photos/xtream_i/)
Conscious relationships – Imagine what it would be like to be in a relationship with a foundation of unconditional love. Where each person takes responsibility for the whole of the relationship and how they experience it. Where neither look to each other to complete themselves but each stand in their own clear and powerful expression of themselves and simply choose to love and connect with the other. Where each chooses to support the other to be the greatest version of themselves they can be beyond any conventional idea of commitment and social ideal.
Our relationships are such an enormous part of our lives. They are the perfect ground for our highest moments of joy and bliss and also for the complete opposite. They can inspire and energise us or have the capacity to distract, overwhelm and bring up all kinds of uncomfortable emotions.
Conscious relating sees each individual as whole and powerful without a need for one another. It holds a space which means that there is no room for blame and judgement of each partner for not having what is expected. It debunks the common idea of 50/50 relating which can only lead to expectation, disappointment and resentment. It creates a strong platform for honest and upfront communication which paves the way to heart connection and acceptance.
Whether you are a couple who are experiencing conflict and trouble, or simply reaching a place which feels limited or stagnant then consider CoreTruth sessions as a powerful foundational approach to relating which turns how we generally look at coupleship on its head. It is different to conventional ‘couples counselling’ as it doesn’t look to manage or apportion blame for what is happening in your relationship but rather supports each individual to get clear and consciously choose how they would like to be in relationship to the other and commit to that. It shows that for change to occur in the relationship, the change must be an individual choice and action.
There is a minimum commitment of 6 months for this program which provides the arena for true, foundation shifting love!
Each couples situation and requirements are different and there will be a mix of individual and joint sessions however usually it requires 1x 1hr session per individual, held weekly.
To be considered for the 6 month Conscious Relating program it is a requirement to have an initial meeting to connect and ensure that this is a suitable way forward for you. Please contact me to arrange an informal consultation which is complimentary with no obligation to commit.
“Despite our passion for romantic love, relationships are not the easiest way to find love and peace. They are, however, one of the most effective for finding our blocks.
Relationships naturally bring out into full view our desires, attachments and unconscious programs – our likes, dislikes, belief systems, judgments, compulsions, conformities, etc. Relationships challenge us because they take us deep into thoughts, feelings and experiences we have suppressed for a lifetime. That’s why they provide the very best arena for personal growth!
“Human relationships are the perfect tool for sanding away our rough edges and getting at the core of divinity within us.” -Eknath Easwaran
I was speaking to a friend of mine who I had known for many years the other day. I usually would hear about her partners life and how his business was going and how overwhelmed with busyness he was and how important it was that he felt supported. When they went away together, it would be to do things that he wanted to do like intense rock-climbing expeditions and treks and she would go along with it, even at the risk of her health sometimes. All I would hear about her life was how she hated doing her job and how she felt compelled to keep doing it so she ‘kept up’ with him. I would hear about how he would make decisions about his career, including moving overseas without any concern for her and how she may fit into the move. She would often sit and try to be ok about the compromise and pressure this put on their relationship and even had moved over to be with him but no sooner had she done that, he changed his mind and they both had to move back to Sydney.
Fast forward two years later, the same thing happened and he has moved overseas to follow his career path but this time she has decided that she will finally take the leap and leave her job, apply for a work visa and move over properly with him. She is going through all the usual emotions and fear of leaving the safe harbour of her role and the wage that comes with it but has started to notice something happening for her.
She is the one who is left to pack up the house and sell off any stuff they didn’t want to store and has noticed that as she keeps taking each step towards what she wants, support keeps coming in. No matter how challenging or impossible each step of the move is, she keeps getting supported by people. The car that had been taking ages to sell, sold this week. The clutter around the house since her decision to jump has cleared, bit by bit. She is noticing that she is beginning to feel lighter and lighter about the whole experience. She has several job opportunities waiting for her to arrive and she is moving to a country where her 51 years is respected and admired, whereas she was experiencing ageism and glass-ceilings here in Sydney which contributed to her fear of leaving her job, believing that she will soon to be unemployable and irrelevant. She was talking about the very thing that we all know and love to experience and that is flow. Things falling onto place when we follow our heart no matter what the perceived challenges are. She leaves next week and feels good about it, regardless of the fear inherent in change.
Then she shared with me that she had heard from her partner last night and that he wasn’t feeling so great about the move and that he wasn’t sure about staying there. She initially started to go into her usual role of concerning herself about his mental state and about how he was feeling under-challenged in the role and how he was bored. But then….something clicked inside of her as we spoke. She realised that she no longer had the energy left to keep worrying herself about his problems and choices and certainly not for his frame of mind. She realised that she had been walking around on eggshells with him for as long as she could remember, afraid of his reactions and worried about his mental health history, worried about his moods and temper. She had put aside her love of TV and Media, a role she had when they first met and was awesome at and had effectively made herself small next to him so that he didn’t feel bad or challenged by her. What clicked for her was quite profound because what she realised was how none of this had anything to do with him! She had been the one to choose to put his requirements ahead of her own. She had made the decisions based upon her judgement of him not being able to handle himself emotionally. In her attempt not to upset or challenge him, she had given him no choice but to turn up like he did and seem to take advantage of her like he did. But no-one can be taken advantage of unless they unconsciously let that advantage be taken. She had hit a point of release where she knew that for her to continue to feel the flow of life around and through her, she would have to make the choice to move overseas FOR HER, not for him and that she was the one who was able to take responsibility for herself and let him take responsibility for his choices.
It was beautiful to witness as years of self-judgement and weariness began to fall away. It doesn’t mean that the next while will now be all hearts and flowers and that it wont come with continued courageous steps and challenges in the story of their relationship but it does mean that their relationship can now become more of what it truly is. Each of them no longer able to continue to turn up the same way as before, a new, more real and authentic experience awaits.
So I ask, as a point of reflection and pondering, who is it that you are caretaking? Who do you put your life on-hold for and concern yourself about their well-being above your own and keep yourself small as a result? Who do you use as an excuse for not living your life? and what justifications do you keep telling yourself about why you do it so you feel like you have no other choice?
If you are not experiencing something you think you want in your life, a new job, new relationship, more money, simply put, its because you don’t have the space for it. Instead of trying hundreds of ways of making that thing come, put your focus on clearing space. This is something I have dedicated the past year to and continue to be present with which has meant spending much time alone and unplugged from the madding crowd. This of course means challenging the very strong parts of ego that are reliant on people’s approval, wanting to belong, the fear of missing out or being overlooked. But in the space, the space in between the thoughts and the emotions that arise lies peace and joy. A happiness that is not needy or dependent upon circumstances and stuff to be experienced. Stepping off, unplugging if you will, from the ‘way things are or should be” and feeling into spaciousness below the level of the noisy chatter monkey brain. Here is where I find who I really am and where I find what I truly want. This is where I find contentment with whatever turns up in the craziness of day to day life and a deep knowing that Iam OK and everything in my world is perfectly orchestrated and in perfect order.
This is what CoreTruth is about for those who feel that yearning inside to have this experience.
“peace. it does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. it means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart” unknown
High Performance Teams – how to build one, the importance of collaboration and how a high performance team works from within the new paradigm of 100% personal responsibility.
For me, the success of building a High Performance team comes not solely from the more conventional ways of skills and behavioural training but more profoundly from the willingness for each individual to take 100% personal responsibility not only for themselves but for the whole team.
This is a Courageous way of turning up in the world because what it really means is that if there is a lack of performance in the team, it is highlighting a situation for each person to own rather than only the people directly with whom the issue shows up for. When we see an issue arise in a team where we are not getting what we really want, say a team member who is always dragging their heels or not meeting their promised deadlines, instead of having the attitude of, ‘ well that’s their problem, not mine’ a Courageous Leader would take a moment to look closely at what is occurring inside them to see in what way they are contributing to that dynamic.
Now, this is not initially an easy thing to do and perhaps why Courageously led high performance teams are not yet the norm because it just doesn’t make sense to our rational mind to accept that we have any effect over another person. We are unaware of how unconsciously we are effecting our experience and the people in it, all the time through how we are Being not just what we are Doing or saying. The communication within a team is 90% of the time non-verbal! That sounds crazy to our heads and that’s because we live in a world which places so much power in intellect and words without acknowledging the whole energetic communication piece. This is what is only just starting to be addressed in major corporate business environments when they talk of EQ or emotional intelligence.
Simply put, when each member of a team has a commitment to having a firm understanding of who they are, are practicing being mindful and present in the moment, are taking responsibility for not only how they show up but also for how the whole team shows up, that’s how a high performance team works in the new paradigm.
Collaboration sounds like such a lovely word and we talk a lot of how important it is to collaborate but when it comes down to it, how can there be true collaboration when there are individual agendas driving what is meant to be a team? And what’s more amusing is that most of those agendas are unconscious ones which come from inside each person.
Currently collaboration means something like ” I will listen to what you have to say and look like I will compromise on what feels right according to me in my framing of the world, so long as you ultimately see that MY way is the best way!”
How about choosing it to mean something more like this: “I commit to me turning up the best version of me in relationship to you and choosing to communicate my truth about what I feel and think about whatever it is we are aiming for and not withholding that or mind reading what I imagine you are thinking and feeling!”
This would foster a natural feeling of collaboration through authentic communication. Each person would be much more mindful of what they really meant and would listen for what someone was really saying and encourage (instill courage!) each member to fearlessly go for their whole truth. Now that would be a way of having a high performance team!
The Waves of Energetic Movement. (excerpted from an article I wrote for www.courageousleaders.com.au )
It is more widely understood and proven now that everything we experience is energy and that the only thing that differentiates between the wooden desk we sit at and say, our skin or our thoughts is a difference in the frequency of that energy. (more…)
