I had a client sit with me and he was letting me know what had been turning up in his life since our last session. Part of what he shared was a feeling of disconnection from his wife, kids, friends and family of origin and was describing to me all the ways in which they were annoying him. The stories were convincing to him and as he shared them I could see that his energy was rising, his voice was changing and he looked more and more scared and uncertain. Like many people, he was stuck in the view that ‘if only they would stop doing this or that’ , everything would be better and he could be connect again. I could see that he was in his head trying to work it all out and that was resulting in was overwhelm and more confusion which was creating even more discomfort!
He is particularly good with his head and a clever and funny individual with a good sense of humour, but in this moment, he was experiencing the limitation of his intellectual ‘trying to work it all out’ side which also used his humour to distract from what was really going on underneath. So I asked him how he was feeling right now. His response was with a thought and further explanation of his story so I repeated my question. How are you feeling? and he stopped. It was like a spanner in the works for a moment. He got present to what was sitting under all the words and started to connect. Then he started to express. It was amazing. The usual very controlled and measured responses were gone and he dropped into the awareness of his emotions. Angry, sad, scared, or versions of these emerged and were acknowledged and expressed without defense or judgement. He was real and open and raw for the next while and noted how his body was shaky and ‘stirred up’ and how his head wasn’t able to quite make sense of what had occurred but that he could tell he felt alive, present and Ok.
I received a message later that afternoon letting me know that a business meeting he had been expressing annoyance about in our session earlier had gone well and for longer than he had expected and that his experience was one of presence. He was happy about that.
The next day he called to share that he had noticed twice already that he had been shown appreciation and support from people he had meetings with. One where he was treated to his coffee and the other was where someone gave 3 years of intellectual property to him for free to help him in his new business. Both unexpected and surprising events which made him feel connected and happy.
He shared how he felt that it was as a result of what had happened in his session that he was now experiencing more flow. He still couldn’t understand with his mind what had occurred but he could feel it to be true. He felt alive and inspired to me and that was what mattered most.
The learning in this is just how important it is to give yourself permission to express how you FEEL. Even the smallest of emotions. That sometimes the idea of emotions scare us and we would rather avoid becoming aware of them than to feel them but that its through the human experience of feeling that we free ourselves and transform our circumstance. When you clear the blocked and unexpressed emotions that are sitting there, you can once again feel the ease and flow of all around you. Who would’ve thought it could be that simple and yet like most things which are valuable, not always easy when you are caught up in your head.
Big point to remember- Who you are is not your emotions.